What to call myself?

I often wonder what I am, exactly.

Actually, that's a pretty shitty way to phrase it. I know perfectly goddamn well what I am. I just don't know how to phrase it.

I'm comfortable with my male body, for the most part. I don't like a lot of the hairiness that comes with it though, and at times I do wish it were a tad more feminine. Slightly wider hips, slightly narrower shoulders, maybe some slight budding breasts that I could easily either show off or hide. so basically, I wish I had a more androgynous body. So I'd be an androgynne, right?

And then another thing is brought up. I often switch between wanting to be girly and wanting to be boyish. Some days I want to wear a pretty skirt and a cute shirt and do my makeup and style my hair out. Other times I'm happier in loose-fitting jeans and a t-shirt and don't do much in the way of styling my hair, sometimes even letting my facial hair grow out a bit to a bit of a soul patch or leaving some chin stubble. So, that's called genderfluid, right?

I will admit, though; sometimes I question if maybe I just want to be more feminine so I can pull off cute girly outfits more easily. I wonder if that means I'm just a crossdresser, and calling myself anything else is a slap in the face to other people who go through so much more than I?

When it comes down to it, my gender is all over the place. I believe genderqueer is a fitting enough term for now. :)

In other news, I scraped my chin pretty bad the other day, and it left a scab, meaning I can't shave there. So I'll be stuck with some chin stubble even if I don't want it for the next while. Joy.

First post, and I guess, introductory post?

Hello there! My name is Eden, and as you probably gathered from the title of the blog, I'm genderqueer, which is what this blog is all about.

Well, the thing is, I'm not entirely sure if "genderqueer" is the right term.

Pretty much all my life my gender has been changing. When I was young, I didn't really care. I was a boy because everyone around me said I was, and I didn't see the point in claiming otherwise. That pretty much changed around the time I hit puberty.

I'd be lying if I said all I ever thought about were girly things. I was jealous a lot of my sister because she got a lot of cuter clothes most of the time, but I also liked things about myself. I liked my own body well enough until the body hair started growing. I never made a big deal about my body and facial hair because I was well aware that it was all a normal part of growing up, but inside I was hoping dearly that I would only grow a little bit, or that it would grow slowly.

Luckily, I had really amazing friends. My bestie gave me one of her thongs as a gag gift on my 15th birthday, and even though it was intended to be a joke, she was more than happy to loan me her old clothes. And even since then, she's been really happy to take me out shopping with her. Most of my girly clothes I have now were either hand-me-downs from her, or clothes she bought for me.

Anyway, I guess that's enough rambling for now. I suppose what I should be saying is this: I feel like I'm somewhere between male and female; I really like being treated like a girl and being able to wear girly things, but at the same time I'm pretty much comfortable with my body, hairiness aside.